Top 5 Reasons Baseball is not a Sport

I have to tread carefully with this subject. I attend a school that has a baseball academy. That being said, if this blog falls into the wrong hands, I cannot imagine they would take kindly to this piece. Despite all this, I cannot state how strongly I feel about this subject. Don't get me wrong, baseball takes a considerable amount of skill (luck) to play, but then again, so does tiddlywinks, and we call that a game.

How DARE we?... Tiddlywinks is the stuff of GODS!

Let's see how many Americans I can piss off.

Top 5 Reasons that Keep me From Posting

A lot of people have noticed that I'm maybe, kinda, sort-of not the most punctual person when it comes to posting. Okay, who am I kidding, I am the least punctual person since Gandalf rode into Helm's Deep.

We could've used you about an hour ago, you know, THAT TIME WHEN THOUSANDS OF FATHERS, HUSBANDS, AND CHILDREN TOO YOUNG TO KNOW WHAT A SWORD IS, LET ALONE WEILD ONE GOT SLAUGHTERED BY CREATURES BRED TO KILL. OH, AND LET US NOT FORGET THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA YOU CAUSED THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN IN THE CAVES, WHO WERE AWAITING, NAY EXPECTING, THE URUK'HAI TO RUSH PAST THE DEFENCES AND LAY WASTE TO EVERY MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD, MAKING SURE THE PEOPLE OF ROHAN WERE WIPED FROM THE FACE OF MIDDLE EARTH. But, you predicted exactly what time you would arrive three days in advance. Yeah, we get it. You're a bad ass.

But, no matter how many times I apologize, I always feel as though it isn't enough. So, for a change of pace, I want to put my wonderful, perfect, extremely attractive readers in my position. This is my Top 5 Reasons that Keep me From Posting!

Top 10 TV Commercial Characters that Deserve more than 30 Seconds

TV commercials are the most effective way of getting the companies point across. Through a commercial, companies are able to hit potential customers right when they're vulnerable: when they've just come back from work, one hand cradling a beer and the other down their pants. If you need any more proof as to how successful they are, companies are paying upwards of 2 million dollars for a 30 second time slot during the Super Bowl. That's 240 million dollars an hour (slightly more than what I'm getting paid...).

$240 million per hour, huh?...

Through these commercials, many outstanding characters have been formed. Some I cannot figure out why they exist, but others are absolutely brilliant. Here's my Top 10 TV Commercial Characters that Deserve more than 30 Seconds.

Before I start, I just want to state that doing research for this Top 10 was excruciating. The things I do for you guys.

In Memoriam: MOVEMBER

Movember. The one time that men (or women, I'm all for equality) can wear that greasy rug on their upper lip and get away with it. Mustaches. You were there when we needed to save that little extra morsel of lunch for later. You were the unwritten code of knowing who the boss is. You were the difference between an Italian man and just a regular guy who uses hand gestures a lot. But most importantly, you were there to protect us from the harshness of the winter in West Coast Canada.

Brr...

Why I Didn't Post Last Week

So, I've been getting a few remarks as to why I didn't write an article and post it last week. Most people have been saying its because I'm lazy and apathetic, and I have to go and prove the naysayers wrong. There's actually been a lot going on in my life. For example, just last night, I heard my parents arguing about who got the privilege of killing me. As you can probably imagine, I was quite emotionally distraught and too scared to hunch over a computer writing when my mom could silently open the door, and bash my skull in with a rolling pin. With spikes attached to it. And sharks. Yeah.

Seems legit.