Top 5 Reasons Baseball is not a Sport

I have to tread carefully with this subject. I attend a school that has a baseball academy. That being said, if this blog falls into the wrong hands, I cannot imagine they would take kindly to this piece. Despite all this, I cannot state how strongly I feel about this subject. Don't get me wrong, baseball takes a considerable amount of skill (luck) to play, but then again, so does tiddlywinks, and we call that a game.

How DARE we?... Tiddlywinks is the stuff of GODS!

Let's see how many Americans I can piss off.

#5 – America even Recognizes It

Baseball is Americas' pastime. And it should stay just that. Not only is it the most monotonous game ever, it has legitimately tricked people into giving up hours of their day to watch it. I ask the people who sit down to watch an entire baseball game this: what exactly are you waiting for? In hockey, it's the bone-crushing hit or the slap shot that breaks the sound barrier. In football, it's the quarterback sack or the 60-yard touchdown pass to win the game. In soccer, it's... well, bad example.

Watching baseball is like watching someone standing in one place, waiting for a fly to come by, and then swinging at it with a drumstick. He'll rarely make contact, but when he does, he'll run around a bit. Baseball is something you should do with your friends when you have nothing to do. Ergo, PASSing TIME.

I see what you did there.

#4 – Self-Afflicting Health Hazards

Of all the “sports” in the world, I have never seen professional athletes want to inflict so much bodily harm upon themselves. I won't even touch the steroid issue, because I know that only a small percentage of players have actually taken them. However, something that is much more widespread than steroids is chewing tobacco.

The dangers of cigarettes have been shoved down our throats for decades now. The main ingredient of cigarettes is tobacco. People think that without the nicotine, cigarettes are harmless, but in reality, tobacco can cause health problems and potentially cancer as well. Why the vast majority baseball players willingly admit themselves to a wad of tumour-inducing, lip-cracking, gum-receding tobacco is far beyond me.

I hear it does wonders for the teeth, as well.

#3 – There is an I in Team

Baseball is essentially individualistic. Sure, you toss a few balls the first baseman’s way every once in a while. Apart from that, there's one pitcher at a time, that will pitch to one batter at a time, that will hit it to one outfielder at a time... you see where I'm going with this. Take soccer for example. I know it's not the most exciting sport to spectate, but I play it, so I'm going to force you to hear me out, dammit.

In soccer, the best teams work together perfectly in unison. FC Barcelona, probably the best team to grace the planet Earth has a lot of individually strong players. What makes them the best team is the chemistry they've developed. In baseball you can have three or four strong players that will win you titles, and you put them on first, third, short stop, and the mound. Slap a few home run hitters on there and bam-boom-bidity-bop, there's a world series.

#2 – You don't have to be Fit

The two so-called sports that have the most amount of athletes that don't exactly look like athletes are:

1. Golf
2. Baseball

It's no secret that you don't have to be in pique physical condition to play baseball. It's no doubt that these people are athletes, but in a hundred meter dash between an American League pitcher and my internet connection, I'd bet on the latter.

I'm sorry, what?

As hinted to in the previous paragraph, the American League pitchers are able to skip out on this whole “running” thing because they don't have to go up to bat. All they have to do is work out their arm (that came out wrong...). Since they don't need to run to keep their job, they tend to get a little overweight.

One of these things, is not like the other ones.

If you need any more indicators that you don't have to fit into your high school jeans to play in the Big Leagues, my father was a good player. Your argument is irrelevant.

#1 – Numbers

I'll be completely honest here. If I only handed in a third of my school assignments, I would fail the course. If I turned up to work only 33% of the time, I would lose my job. Why is it then, that when baseball players hit the ball every third time he's up to bat, he's considered a legend. A lot of people may say that hitting a 90-mph fastball is harder then handing in assignments. To them I say, how much of hitting a baseball is actually skill? Sure, baseball players have to have remarkable timing, but when it comes to the actual position of the ball, they're just swinging and hoping it doesn't dip at the last moment.

Baseball also has no real salary cap. Sure, if teams go over it, they have to pay royalties, but it doesn't seem to help one bit, as the well-funded teams are more than happy to fork over the dough if it will increase their chances of success. Last year's American League final featured the Texas Rangers and the New York Yankees. The Yankees put more money into two players than Texas had with its' entire squad. The Yankees field a good team every year because they are able to essentially “buy” their team.

Thank God Texas won.

Caleb the I'm-Wearing-A-Helmet-To-School-Tomorrow-For-Fear-Of-My-Life


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